she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
whose parrot is this?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
