I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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