i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
