I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
