Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
