I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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