I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize