so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
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I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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