Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
