WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
