if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
