Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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