I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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