I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
