God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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