I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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