Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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