Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize