We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
