i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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