I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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