so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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