and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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