Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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