I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
