Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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