I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
