I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
