They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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