so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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