is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
