so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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