So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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