Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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