i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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