how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
