Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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