he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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