Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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