Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
