ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
