Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
