Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
