VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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