It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
