He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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