I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
