i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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