I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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