i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
