my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
