dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
