Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He passed out mid-signature
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
