I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.