That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
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She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
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im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.