Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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