The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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