cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.