Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet