I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
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My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
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wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.