You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
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The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
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I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"