Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.

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  (413): All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing. http://tfl.nu/1chf
  Replies (13) Good night (4007) Bad night (1264)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.

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  (386): totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen. http://tfl.nu/yxbj
  Replies (43) Good night (2910) Bad night (1095)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john

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  (917): i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere (1-917): no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john http://tfl.nu/sfec
  Replies (24) Good night (5790) Bad night (812)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.

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  (778): i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate. http://tfl.nu/ob4u
  Replies (5) Good night (1206) Bad night (3699)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"

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  (804): when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again" http://tfl.nu/ygm1
  Replies (12) Good night (7589) Bad night (2007)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.

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  (517): Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that. http://tfl.nu/tw02
  Replies (4) Good night (916) Bad night (2275)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...

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  (701): Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper... http://tfl.nu/oauc
  Replies (4) Good night (764) Bad night (2240)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is

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  (715): i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is http://tfl.nu/reex
  Replies (19) Good night (1454) Bad night (777)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex

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  (843): i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex http://tfl.nu/fymj
  Replies (8) Good night (2030) Bad night (1131)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.

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  (+44): Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room. http://tfl.nu/d3jd
  Replies (5) Good night (1429) Bad night (604)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while

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  (732): i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while http://tfl.nu/tvzl
  Replies (4) Good night (1244) Bad night (565)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..

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  (573): Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you.. http://tfl.nu/j404
  Replies (3) Good night (493) Bad night (347)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.

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  (908): Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you. http://tfl.nu/4vsb
  Replies (0) Good night (613) Bad night (286)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  "Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.

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  (307): "Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top. http://tfl.nu/hyqb
  Replies (1) Good night (539) Bad night (205)
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  (914): View more from New York

  First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.

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  (914): First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die. http://tfl.nu/ydxj
  Replies (1) Good night (160) Bad night (477)

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