Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
