It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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