I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize