walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
