my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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