I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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