Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
