she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
