i would punch a child for taco bell
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
