Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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