How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize