What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Randomize