I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
