Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
