so explain again why im purple
no
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she smelled like a LAN party
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
