What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
