Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
