she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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